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Cultural Concubine Blog

Neither here nor there…

Tag Archives: country

Catch of the day (minus the other half already eaten)

Catch of the day (minus the other half already eaten)

Over the past few weeks the Plum season has been in full swing, so every day I trundle off to the orchard early in the morning with a dog.

The Victoria Plums are particularly wonderful this time of year and beg to be eaten instantly instead of bundled up in a basket.

Still they do look such a pretty colour all huddled up together, but we digress…

The trick is to pick the ripe ones once a day, otherwise the wasps and other rude grubs get to them.

This morning it was rather damp, so right at the same moment I was thinking about how docile the wasps were today… One stung me!

Right across the jaw!

Right across the jaw!

Right across the jaw… It must have fallen from a plum above me, half drunk from all the sugar and got caught in my collar.

Ouch.

But every country problem comes with its solution: Onion!
(I also tried rubbing a copper coin on it, but that just made me look a bit weird)

So after half an hour with an onion stuck to my face, the burning is a lot less. Sadly though I now smell of the beginning of a stew and I couldn’t stop crying for an hour…

Note to self: Don’t get stung by drunken wasps… wear a hat and tight fitting collar in the orchard.

(Note to self 2: You are not allergic to wasps, if you were you would now be dead….)

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The brits take their dog’s family tree seriously, like this example at Stanway House, Gloucestershire.

I think I have now officially passed my Countrification Diploma… I supervised the mating of our dog.

In the end it took us 3 tries to get the job done. But I can assure you that is has given me an entirely different perspective on the whole world of procreation…

Firstly, both dogs are entirely chosen for their bloodlines.

Secondly both dogs are mostly picked on their looks, soft mouth and kind character.

Thirdly both dogs have to get checked by a vet to rule out any possible defects.

And then on top of it all in order to assure conception, the poor dears get stuck to each other for at least a half hour. Talk about a passion killer!

It makes me snigger to think to apply this to my next dating experiment.
I am sure you could write an excellent short sketch about this.

Will be tricky to find out about the soft mouth though…

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